Thursday, July 23, 2009

You Have To Give In Order To Receive...

My whole body is tingling! I just had a wonderful physical experience.

I left my house headed to coffee with pen, pad, blackberry, research materials and mind focused on getting some writing done. I've been experiencing a bit of paucity in this area lately, truly by no one's hand other than my own, and the tightness had started to take hold of my right shoulder (this is where I happen to hold my stress).

To be more specific, and this will give you a little homework, my rhomboids, scalpulae, and trapezius become increasingly tighter to the point it actually raises my right shoulder, begins to move down the side of my arm and I develop a headache from hell and no pain medication will release it. Once I remove the stress, and with the help of Matthew, my massage therapist, my shoulder drops, the headache dissipates and Candace moves out of the 'leave me alone' mode. So, being that I'm aware of the issue and I know how to remove it, this morning was dedicated to do just that.

My stress was caused by me and my lack of doing, my lack of writing. So, I'm sitting at my table, scribbling away, feeling authentically good, and a chatterbox walks up and asks if he can sit with me. Obviously he sees me working and focused because he approaches the situation with, 'may I sit with you? I promise I'll be quiet'. Don't misconstrue, he is a nice man, we always chat when we see each other and it's always pleasant. But I wasn't looking for company and I did not desire company. So I say to myself, I'm perfectly comfortable with him sitting here but I will continue to work. He said he would be quiet which means he understands I'm working so, sure, have a sit. We have a quick repartee and I'm back to me. Less than a minute goes by and something is brewing at the table, he needs something, I can sense it. Now my authentically good feeling moves to, 'Geez, what? I don't have anything to give. I don't feel like being nice right now. I'm working. Leave me alone. Why did I open up my space?' I even send a friend a text asking them to call me so I can excuse myself without coming off as a bitch.

He breaks the silence with, 'Can I say something?' 'Sure', I say. He's noticed that I'm reading about nutrition and wants to tell me he just ran across a book, two books actually, on the subject. He includes what I believe is too much backstory, I'm a very to-the-point and matter of fact type. As I'm listening to him 'be quiet', I keep telling myself, with a touch of causticity, 'Candace, simply listen. There's something good for you in his words. You'll learn something. Take it. You need it.' At the end of his chat, I realized that I had just received some good information, two books that I want to read but I noticed that I was begrudgingly making note of them. I had to ask myself, 'How dare you? How dare you be such a bitch when everyday you walk out of your door asking God to send you what you need, asking for help!?' So I told the chatterbox and God, THANK YOU!

Instead of me continuing to call him 'Him' and 'The Chatterbox', his name is Henry and he was brought to me today because he needed my help and I needed to give something. Henry was troubled by a family situation and needed a release. I won't go into detail but after talking with him, the tears in his eyes dried up, his spirit lifted and he had a smile on his face.

An hour has passed and we finish our conversation. I excuse myself because I really do have to get some work done and as I'm getting into my truck, I realize the tightness in my shoulder has significantly diminished. My mind is immediately flooded with the thought of the importance of giving. This is not said with any slice of ego but I have a gift of calmness. I didn't tell myself this. I receive it from others almost on a daily basis so I simply accept it. Henry was hurt and needed clarity. Once I got outside of myself, I was able to give him that, and in return the Universe gave back to me in the form of great information and releasing the grip on my head, neck and shoulder. And as I'm sharing this with you, it's falling away even more.

I want to leave you with something I read last week. It's a promise to yourself but I forgot it for a minute.

Promise yourself...
To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel there is something inside them.
To be just as enthusiastic about others success as your own.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
Promise yourself to be...
Too large for worry.
Too strong for fear.
Too happy to permit the presence of trouble.