8:30 PM I’m walking to the reception with my friends Warren and Toi who are discussing the film and how much they enjoyed it. Warren asked if I was ok and I painted a smile on my face and replied that I was just tired. It was hard to disguise my sadness. It was difficult to create that smile of happiness when inside I was so overwhelmingly sad. I made one round at the reception just to say thank you to those that came out to support. I made a quick exit and headed home numb to the experience of the day. I drove around for a little while trying to figure out how I let my weight spiral out of control.
11:00 PM I’m home and I remove my Barney suit immediately and jump into the shower to wash the shame of my weight off me. I kneel to say my prayers and thank God for Candace who I will see tomorrow to begin her program.
It was extremely hard to write this, to expose myself and my feelings to the masses, so you have to know that this is coming from a place of pure honesty and commitment to this process with Candace. I hope that by sharing my sadness, and my feelings of shame and deflation, I’m able to help someone else who may be standing in a similar place in time.
This is my weight loss journey…